Movember is Over...FINALLY!

Alright, so it's been a while. I had a kid, I've been a little busy. Deal.

November came and went in a flurry of bushy faces and honestly...I had no idea why a bunch of my facebook friends were constantly updating their profile pictures with their fledgling facial hair. Then someone mentioned "Movember" and I looked into it.

Gods and Demons. Guys are growing mustaches and other facial hair to raise awareness for ass cancer. More properly known as Prostate Cancer, the latest Doctor's consensus is that once you hit 30 you need to have it checked every year or two when you have your check-ups. As everyone knows by know, a regular visit to the Doc is supposed to be more of a preventative measure than anything else, but men the world over simply refuse to have their prostates checked because their either homophobic, embarassed or just plain vain. I understand those feelings all too well. No one wants anyone poking around their private areas even if they do have a PHD after their name.

News flash. Women don't like going to the gyno either. Guess what though? They suck it up and do it anyway.

Long story short (for once) Movember was designed to do three things;

- Let men know that it's ok to go and get checked regularily, especially if their family has a history of cancer...and at this point, find me a family that doesn't. M'kay?

- Raise awareness that Prostate Cancer is a leading cause of early deaths in men 35-60.

- Raise a bit of money thru fundraising efforts by growing a mustache for fun.

The VAST majority of men I know who did grow facial hair for Movember...have NEVER had a prostate exam and STILL haven't had one.

Call me crazy I guess, but when you do something to raise awareness...shouldn't YOU be aware of it as well? Is being aware enough? I'm aware that a city bus plowing into my skull at 50 km/h is going to kill me...so that's good enough. But is being aware that ass cancer exists ACTUALLY enough? Is it really the point of Movember? To just know it's there? I'm pretty sure people know that Cancer exists at this point.

Two of my Facebook friends 'un-friended' me because I called them douchebags for growing facial hair and raising money....but not going to the doc for a prostate exam. Really. I lost sleep over it.

Of course I didn't.

Fuck them. Frankly, I hope karma rears her ugly head and they get ass cancer. Too harsh?

The fact of the matter is that NONE of us like to be poked and proded by doctors. Well, maybe if you buy this toy you do...but that's not the point.

When did Cancer become 'fun'? Seriously? At what point did we look at the hundreds of thousands of people claimed by various cancers a year and think to ourselves...."Hey! Let's all grow stupid fucking handlebar mustaches and be jerkoffs for a whole month to 'raise awareness' about the most common illness know to human history?"

The fact of the matter is simply this;

If you're going to take part in a movement to get guys to accept prostate exams as a regular part of their yearly or bi-yearly doctor visit, then I solute you. Seriously. You have my respect.

If you're going to take part in a movement and then NOT do the MAJOR part of it just so that you have a reason to grow some facial hair you normally would shave off....then you're a fucking douchebag loser.

Deal with it.

Fucking assholes. You're not doing your part for Movember unless you're actually DOING YOUR MOTHERFUCKING PART!

Fuck you. Try having someone you love die of cancer and then come back to me and tell me how funny or clever you think you are for growing something to raise awareness for something you CLEARLY don't actually believe in. Fucking hypocritical asshats.

The Interwebs killed music?

Again the accusation arises...the interwebs killed the music industry. Really?

Look douchebag, it killed the industry as we've known it for the last 50 years, sure. But the recording industry is MUCH older than that and pre-bribing DJ's and radio stations to play your abortion of a song...the music industry was enormous and made next to no money in record sales. Bands are having to revert to actually touring....gasp. Getting in touch with their fans, or at least more so than back in a studio with heavily edited lyrics.

The fact is that CD prices are still higher than they should be, you have to pay hundreds of dollars for 'box sets' that include nothing you didn't already have on vinyl and $50 T-shirts that some third world 8 year old made for pennies on the dollar.

A lot of artists go into the industry looking to 'live like a rockstar'. I'm sure there are some that sing and play out of sheer love for it and money is just a way to track their success...but let's be honest here, those people are few and far between. When you've got Metallica doing interviews from their 20 bedroom mansion in front of an Olympic sized swimming pool....it's a little hard to swallow that they're suffering in any TRUE meaning of the word. Try and sell that sad song and dance to the woman who works in the fucking record store and is raising a kid on her own. Assholes.

Either evolve or fucking die. There's no middle ground here. Every time some over the hill has been goes off at the mouth about how the internet is the great evil that will destroy the world...I often have the urge to beat them senseless with their own 40 page income statement.

Now this same horrific trend is starting to spread into the movie industry. People are now complaining that studio's are thinking about releasing movies to PPV as well as Theatres so that consumers have the choice. Frankly, the only people really complaining about this are the movie theatre owners...and rightly so. (sarcasm)They've been jacking up ticket prices over the last three years, they charge $6 for something you can get for $.99 at 7-11 and then they make you sit through 10-15 minutes of commercials. At least sitting at home and watching a new movie on PPV you could save a couple bucks.

People. It's called the future. Adapt or just fucking go away. No one wants to hear you complaining about making millions instead of billions. No one gives a fuck that you're driving a Lexus instead of a Lambo. The music industry isn't going anywhere. There will always be a demand for great music. Check out Unsigned.com for thousands of artists who have no label and yet somehow seem to be putting together studio quality work. A lot of these folks have taken on their own marketing and their own production and sales by offering their music on their websites as MP3 downloads for less than a buck a song. In fact, check out Xerosun who are an unsigned band out of Dublin, Ireland who have an incredible web presence, great marketing and play tons of gigs all over Europe. Maybe a few more go-getter bands like this on our side of the pond and Lars will finally be forced to stop fucking whining already.

The movie industry isn't going anywhere either. The theatres are. Good. Fuck em. Either provide a cost effective service to customers more demanding than ever....or fucking close up shop. Period.

You sir, are an asshole

I've never really been one of those people who hates it when old movies are redone. Don't get me wrong, sometimes the original is still the better picture. But being the movie nut that I am, I get excited when old movies are either re-imagined or outright re-done. Sometimes their efforts are for nothing and sometimes it rather looks like the producers or director was trying to piss on someone's grave. Other times, the new one is better than the old one.

I watch movies to be entertained. I don't bother to tear it apart because I just want to enjoy something I've spent money on. If you can manage to piss me off with your new version of an old movie...well then I take my hat off to you because it's nothing short of a great big steaming pile of shit.

Take the new Clash of the Titans. I loved the old one. I don't really know why. When I watch it now it's a lot like watching old episodes of The Dukes of Hazzard; I wonder what drugs my parents had me on. The new Clash was great. In fact, I wouldn't even spoil it by comparing it to the old one. It's a totally re-done film that barely sticks to the premise of the old one.

Now, that all being said, I was reading yahoo's movie pages today and saw that a new version of True Grit is coming out this Christmas. I often comment on how I'm older than I really am, and this is one of those examples. I used to sit and watch old Eastwood and Wayne westerns with my goofy ass six shooter's strapped around my waist like I was born in the fucking 60's...which I'm not.

The new one has Jeff Bridges in it, which is great because I happen to think he's a good actor. I'm looking forward to the new flick and while I probably won't compare it until I've seen the whole thing, I'd like to see what the Coen brothers come up with.

Now. The asshole part. I'm not one of those people who irrationally hate Matt Damon or Ben Affleck. I don't really care about them personally most of the time. I weigh their work based on how much effort I think they put into it and move on. Damon was great in the Bourne movies for an example and who didn't get goose bumps watching Good Will Hunting? But now it just seems like he's progressed into the realm of the complete and total Douchebag.

"I've never even seen the original John Wayne movie" Matt Damon, who plays Glen Campbell's old role of LaBeouf in this new version, told Entertainment Weekly. Unlike the old flick, this LaBeouf reportedly doesn't sing. "Our movie is totally different."

Thanks for the quote Yahoo, btw. Anyway. Pay attention to the bolded statements.

Look dude. If you've seen it, no ones going to laugh at you. First of all. It's fucking great. Second of all. You're a fucking actor, you make movies...it's only natural to watch them. If you haven't seen it....then how the flying fuck do you know it's totally different!?

Jesus tap dancing Christ. Do they just hand these assholes "I'm a fucking retard" cards and let them loose on society. I know. It's petty to pick on Matt Damon for what might possibly be a slip up, right? No. Fuck you. These assclowns have handlers who handle their handlers and everything they fucking say is laid out for them....and still they can't even keep their story straight in one fucking interview.

If you're an actor and you're going to give an interview...it behooves you to just be fucking honest. People respond to honesty, even when it's being delivered by some overly oppinionated assclown with a lame ass blog.

What?

Conjecture for the masses

Like most MMO fans, I’ve been geeking out for two years now about the new Star Wars: The Old Republic MMO. Every week of late has been what I lovingly refer to as ‘Nerd-Tastic Friday’. Every update is usually met with a lot of conjecture and supposition based on the little bit of information that’s released. A few weeks ago, the developers released some information that there would be space combat in the game.

This, of course, led to a flood of blogs and posts in various forums drawing conclusions that had never been nailed down. We gamers just love to draw out the future based on our own desires. We’re far from the only ones though; any political analyst can serve as proof of that statement. But there’s a flood of hatred that pours out from media outlets and ‘normal’ people who look down their noses at gamers as if we’re some sort of sub-species. Geekus Ownicus Maximus. Fuck yourselves for taking your point of view far too damned seriously.

The world is full of people hearing what they want to hear.

I vividly remember playing “Telephone” when I was a kid and laughing at what the original message was to what came out on the other side of the line. For those un-initiated in this childs game, here’s the synopsis. The teacher (or leader) says a phrase to the first child. That child in turn passes the phrase onto the next child. This continues down a line of children and finally, the last child then recites the phrase back to the teacher. Simple phrases like ‘Peter picked a peck of pickled peppers’ can turn into ‘Peter stuffed a pickle up his pecker’. You can imagine how that amuses the young and old alike.

It’s the same thing with games (or anything else for that matter). Something is reported and then the community begins to draw conclusions based on their vast knowledge of the industry, or whatever reasoning they give. Even simple rumors spin out of control and developers have no chance to stop the wildfires until the game goes live.

There was a great rumor that spread when Star Trek Online was in development. The rumor was that the graphics and game play engine was a refined version of the one used on Second Life. This rumor led to Star Trek fans taking one of two sides.

Pro – it’ll give the game a more free flowing dynamic…which usually translated into dreams of cybersex starring Vulcans and Klingons.

Con – it would make the game too open and be too much like Eve Online and thus, people were up in arms and swearing off of their vast movie and series collections.

The rumor was proven to be false of course, but not before numerous Developer Blogs squashed it hundreds of times. In fact, it wasn’t until Closed Beta that the rumor mongers shut up long enough to see that the rumor was false.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is that while conjecture is fun, it should in no way begin to affect the industry (or the world) as a whole. Draw your conclusions, write out your wish lists, but don’t drink the fucktards Kool-Aide. Just remember that a rumor is a rumor until the open hand of reality slaps you upside the fucking head.

Yet more racist propaganda for the masses

I wouldn’t consider myself an avid Howard Stern fan, but I do enjoy his show on Sirius/XM from time to time. This morning I thought I would tune in and see what’s going on.

Frankly, I had to turn the station.

Apparently Dr. Laura said the N word. Who cares? I mean really? But, I sat through Howard and Robin discussing it as if it was another Imus incident. Fine. Whatever. Play the clip. Oh, would you look at that, Dr. Laura doesn’t understand why it’s ok for black people to use the N word…but it’s not ok for white people.

Fucking bravo Dr. Laura. Just when we’ve all written you off to the nut farm, you start making sense.

Absolutely it’s a double fucking standard.

Think about the N word. I’ll be nice and not use it myself even though I think the reasoning is fucktarded at best. It was only ever used to make black people feel like less than human, right? I mean when you ask the Jesse Jackson’s of the world, they tell you that exact thing.

Let’s dodge past my obvious racism argument that the N word is somehow less offensive when a black person says it and move right into other words that are meant to degrade.

Slut. Calling a girl or a guy a slut is a derogatory observation of their sexual habits. Is it not? Did I miss a fucking meeting somewhere? So why isn’t slut, the S word? Or for that matter, WHORE. That’s the same fucking thing. Oh, it’s because it doesn’t relate to a specific race? Really? Hmm….special treatment for a race, sounds suspiciously like racism to me. But let’s move on, shall we?

Lawyer. Now that’s a dirty word if I ever heard one and I know quite a few good lawyers. But the word itself conjures the image of an over-zealous state official going after an innocent person….or the shady motherfucker who’s trying to legalize whaling, right? Well then, let’s call them L words…because it’s more sensitive.

Go fuck yourselves with your pretentious splintered dildos. Assholes.

If a word is racist because one race used it to degrade another, then fine. It’s a racist word. But it’s a racist word for EVERYONE. This double standard bullshit creates more separation than unity. If a word is ‘wrong’ for whatever your fucktarded reasoning…then it’s wrong. Period. End of conversation. And making cute little idioms of the word like “N” or “Nigga” is just splitting hairs. There’s no fucking difference! No matter how cute a story you want to weave around.

Fucking assholes. The lot of you. And fuck you Stern for hating on Dr. Laura for doing the exact SAME fucking thing you’ve been doing for 30+ years. Hypocritical asshole. Fuck yourself.

Religious Retardation and You!

I hate religions. I really do. Maybe that makes me an asshole, but I'm fine with that.

Faith is fine. Some people need faith in something or someone to give their lives purpose and direction. Where Faith takes a dark turn is when a faithful person enters into a religious gathering an allows their purpose and direction to be twisted by morons.

Pick your poison. Every religion has a fucking retarded step-child that ruins things for everyone.

Muslims are the easiest to pick on these days because we're post 9/11 and the assholes who crashed into the towers were of the Muslim faith. Can't it just be that these dicks were murdering ass clowns? Why does it matter that they were Muslim?

Don't get on your high horse Christians, because there's a 2 millennium long ass rape going on. Pick your time period and you can be reasonably certain that a Christian was trying to 'teach' some backwards dirt worshiper how to pray to a God they either didn't give a shit about, or didn't believe in. The Crusades, hundreds of 'witch hunts', hell....they even had members of their orders hunting down 'Vampires'. Really? Yes. Really. Never mind when they settled North America they either handed out plague infested blankets, bought land from people with no concept of money or ownership, or just killed Indians. I'm sure that was what God would have wanted after all.

What triggered this rant? Well. I just got an email from a friend who is actually a pretty smart guy. There was a laundry list of people who 'mocked God' and died as a result. I've ranted about this email before, so I'll spare you.

I'll leave you with the first example of God striking down someone who 'mocked' him.

John Lennon, in 1966 was giving an interview with the other Beatles to Rolling Stone magazine in which he claimed that the Beatles are now more popular than Jesus and Christians are just backwards thinking people and the religion is doomed to die out (wishful thinking on his part).

In no way did he mock God, or Jesus for that matter. He just claims that his band is more well known and popular than a guy who died almost 2,000 years ago. I'm sure in the grand scheme of things that God and Jesus give a fuck. But, for the sake of the argument, let's assume they took offense.

In 1980, after 14 years of singing about peace and love, Lennon was shot and killed.

Sad.

But wait! The email goes on to say that this is God's justice.

Really?

For making a stupid comparison that has no physical or mental effect on a supreme being....you die. Wow. God must really love us.

But let's look at those 14 years for a moment. Let's assume, for arguments sake that God was 'mocked' by Lennon's observation. It took him 14 years to exact his revenge? Really? He's a supreme being, the one above us all, a Deity....what the fuck took him so long?

Essentially what I'm being told by these people who forward this stupid fucking email to me is this; I'm a retarded lemming who believes everything my religion shoves down my face and I have no rational thought or care about the topic of this email other than looking down my nose at dead people who just happened to have said something derogatory about God.

Fuck you. And Fuck God too for that matter. There. Now in 50 years when I finally kick the bucket, you assholes can put my name in that email and I can stay infamous forever. Fucking assholes.

Feminists can just blow me

In light of my "first" Fathers Day yesterday, I have come to the conclusion that feminists or anyone who thinks that men have it better than women....can just fucking blow me.

Here's why.

On Mother's Day, flower shops have specials for roses, tulips, carnations...pretty much anything that smells nice. Right there, that's sexist. Because the assumption here is that women like flowers. A broad generalization about broads. It's fine though, because the feminists and 'womens lib' assclowns have signed off on it. That 'tradition' was passed around the Birkenstock wearing committee and was somehow given the green light.

On Mother's Day, restaurants ALL OVER THE FUCKING WORLD have "Mother's Day" specials so that Father's and kids can take Mommy out for a well deserved meal that she doesn't have to cook or clean up after. Again, the thought process behind this move is sexist because it presumes that the Mother is doing all the cooking and cleaning. Again, the short spikey haired feminists kicked this tradition around the committee and passed it.

On Mother's Day, kids are encouraged to either purchase or draw up a card for Mommy telling her how much you love her. Cute idea and it's not as though I think Mother's are unworthy of praise. Hell. I don't even get along with my Mother and I think she deserves a lot of props for raising me...as you can imagine, I wasn't exactly a cake-walk of a kid. This is where we dive into the farce that is;

On Father's Day, there are NO sales...not even at hardware stores. There's no restaurant specials. As a matter of fact, the guitar player at a local eatery who was hired to play songs on Mother's Day was conspicuously absent yesterday. Odd that. I didn't get a cute little card like I gave my wife. I didn't get breakfast served to me like my wife did and I actually ended up doing a tire rotation on her car.

Why? Because as much as we like to think that feminists and liberal groups are making things 'even'. They aren't. It's not an opinion, it's just a fact.

Here's more proof for the nay-sayers. The Government of Canada assumes that women are the primary care givers of their children. If you're one of the growing number of 'stay-at-home Dad's' who wants to claim that you are the primary care giver come tax season...you have to print off a form and have the Mother of your child sign it. That's right. You can't just claim that you're the primary care giver, you have to have your wife's permission to do so. I took this to a feminist acquaintance of mine and she told me;

"Well 50 years ago they didn't ask. Men just claimed the child as a dependant and that was it."

Really? This is what we've come to? Well. If that's what it takes for equality, maybe some white people should sell themselves into slavery to black people. Maybe white people should accept blankets covered in small pox from Indians. Maybe Africans should enslave themselves to East Indians. Maybe Japan should bomb the US.

It's ridiculous.

You don't get equality by turning everything around. That just creates MORE inequality.

How does that even make sense?

It's reactionary, ill-conceived and just plain stupid.

Should there be more equality? Of course. Women and men are essentially the same. We need, we hurt, we laugh, we cry. There are obviously some rather poignant differences, in both mind and body, but at the end of the day I think we can all agree that we want the same thing;

Respect.

This isn't some pie in the sky idealistic stance either, and I don't mean respect as in "you better". There shouldn't be any pre-requisite for a little respect of each other. Women shouldn't assume that all men want is sex and men shouldn't assume that all women want is a cuddle. Is treating each other with a little dignity and grace that hard and foreign a concept that we need feminists, liberals and clergy telling us how to treat each other? Really? Is that where we are after 10,000 years of civilization?

If your answer is no, then perhaps my faith in humanity isn't unjustified.

If your answer is yes, then you make me sick. Get a clue.