From the edge of sanity...

Movember is Over...FINALLY!

2010-12-02T09:19:00.000-06:00

Alright, so it's been a while. I had a kid, I've been a little busy. Deal.

November came and went in a flurry of bushy faces and honestly...I had no idea why a bunch of my facebook friends were constantly updating their profile pictures with their fledgling facial hair. Then someone mentioned "Movember" and I looked into it.

Gods and Demons. Guys are growing mustaches and other facial hair to raise awareness for ass cancer. More properly known as Prostate Cancer, the latest Doctor's consensus is that once you hit 30 you need to have it checked every year or two when you have your check-ups. As everyone knows by know, a regular visit to the Doc is supposed to be more of a preventative measure than anything else, but men the world over simply refuse to have their prostates checked because their either homophobic, embarassed or just plain vain. I understand those feelings all too well. No one wants anyone poking around their private areas even if they do have a PHD after their name.

News flash. Women don't like going to the gyno either. Guess what though? They suck it up and do it anyway.

Long story short (for once) Movember was designed to do three things;

- Let men know that it's ok to go and get checked regularily, especially if their family has a history of cancer...and at this point, find me a family that doesn't. M'kay?

- Raise awareness that Prostate Cancer is a leading cause of early deaths in men 35-60.

- Raise a bit of money thru fundraising efforts by growing a mustache for fun.

The VAST majority of men I know who did grow facial hair for Movember...have NEVER had a prostate exam and STILL haven't had one.

Call me crazy I guess, but when you do something to raise awareness...shouldn't YOU be aware of it as well? Is being aware enough? I'm aware that a city bus plowing into my skull at 50 km/h is going to kill me...so that's good enough. But is being aware that ass cancer exists ACTUALLY enough? Is it really the point of Movember? To just know it's there? I'm pretty sure people know that Cancer exists at this point.

Two of my Facebook friends 'un-friended' me because I called them douchebags for growing facial hair and raising money....but not going to the doc for a prostate exam. Really. I lost sleep over it.

Of course I didn't.

Fuck them. Frankly, I hope karma rears her ugly head and they get ass cancer. Too harsh?

The fact of the matter is that NONE of us like to be poked and proded by doctors. Well, maybe if you buy this toy you do...but that's not the point.

When did Cancer become 'fun'? Seriously? At what point did we look at the hundreds of thousands of people claimed by various cancers a year and think to ourselves...."Hey! Let's all grow stupid fucking handlebar mustaches and be jerkoffs for a whole month to 'raise awareness' about the most common illness know to human history?"

The fact of the matter is simply this;

If you're going to take part in a movement to get guys to accept prostate exams as a regular part of their yearly or bi-yearly doctor visit, then I solute you. Seriously. You have my respect.

If you're going to take part in a movement and then NOT do the MAJOR part of it just so that you have a reason to grow some facial hair you normally would shave off....then you're a fucking douchebag loser.

Deal with it.

Fucking assholes. You're not doing your part for Movember unless you're actually DOING YOUR MOTHERFUCKING PART!

Fuck you. Try having someone you love die of cancer and then come back to me and tell me how funny or clever you think you are for growing something to raise awareness for something you CLEARLY don't actually believe in. Fucking hypocritical asshats.

The Interwebs killed music?

2010-08-30T11:42:00.000-06:00

Again the accusation arises...the interwebs killed the music industry. Really?

Look douchebag, it killed the industry as we've known it for the last 50 years, sure. But the recording industry is MUCH older than that and pre-bribing DJ's and radio stations to play your abortion of a song...the music industry was enormous and made next to no money in record sales. Bands are having to revert to actually touring....gasp. Getting in touch with their fans, or at least more so than back in a studio with heavily edited lyrics.

The fact is that CD prices are still higher than they should be, you have to pay hundreds of dollars for 'box sets' that include nothing you didn't already have on vinyl and $50 T-shirts that some third world 8 year old made for pennies on the dollar.

A lot of artists go into the industry looking to 'live like a rockstar'. I'm sure there are some that sing and play out of sheer love for it and money is just a way to track their success...but let's be honest here, those people are few and far between. When you've got Metallica doing interviews from their 20 bedroom mansion in front of an Olympic sized swimming pool....it's a little hard to swallow that they're suffering in any TRUE meaning of the word. Try and sell that sad song and dance to the woman who works in the fucking record store and is raising a kid on her own. Assholes.

Either evolve or fucking die. There's no middle ground here. Every time some over the hill has been goes off at the mouth about how the internet is the great evil that will destroy the world...I often have the urge to beat them senseless with their own 40 page income statement.

Now this same horrific trend is starting to spread into the movie industry. People are now complaining that studio's are thinking about releasing movies to PPV as well as Theatres so that consumers have the choice. Frankly, the only people really complaining about this are the movie theatre owners...and rightly so. (sarcasm)They've been jacking up ticket prices over the last three years, they charge $6 for something you can get for $.99 at 7-11 and then they make you sit through 10-15 minutes of commercials. At least sitting at home and watching a new movie on PPV you could save a couple bucks.

People. It's called the future. Adapt or just fucking go away. No one wants to hear you complaining about making millions instead of billions. No one gives a fuck that you're driving a Lexus instead of a Lambo. The music industry isn't going anywhere. There will always be a demand for great music. Check out Unsigned.com for thousands of artists who have no label and yet somehow seem to be putting together studio quality work. A lot of these folks have taken on their own marketing and their own production and sales by offering their music on their websites as MP3 downloads for less than a buck a song. In fact, check out Xerosun who are an unsigned band out of Dublin, Ireland who have an incredible web presence, great marketing and play tons of gigs all over Europe. Maybe a few more go-getter bands like this on our side of the pond and Lars will finally be forced to stop fucking whining already.

The movie industry isn't going anywhere either. The theatres are. Good. Fuck em. Either provide a cost effective service to customers more demanding than ever....or fucking close up shop. Period.

You sir, are an asshole

2010-08-20T14:36:00.001-06:00

I've never really been one of those people who hates it when old movies are redone. Don't get me wrong, sometimes the original is still the better picture. But being the movie nut that I am, I get excited when old movies are either re-imagined or outright re-done. Sometimes their efforts are for nothing and sometimes it rather looks like the producers or director was trying to piss on someone's grave. Other times, the new one is better than the old one.

I watch movies to be entertained. I don't bother to tear it apart because I just want to enjoy something I've spent money on. If you can manage to piss me off with your new version of an old movie...well then I take my hat off to you because it's nothing short of a great big steaming pile of shit.

Take the new Clash of the Titans. I loved the old one. I don't really know why. When I watch it now it's a lot like watching old episodes of The Dukes of Hazzard; I wonder what drugs my parents had me on. The new Clash was great. In fact, I wouldn't even spoil it by comparing it to the old one. It's a totally re-done film that barely sticks to the premise of the old one.

Now, that all being said, I was reading yahoo's movie pages today and saw that a new version of True Grit is coming out this Christmas. I often comment on how I'm older than I really am, and this is one of those examples. I used to sit and watch old Eastwood and Wayne westerns with my goofy ass six shooter's strapped around my waist like I was born in the fucking 60's...which I'm not.

The new one has Jeff Bridges in it, which is great because I happen to think he's a good actor. I'm looking forward to the new flick and while I probably won't compare it until I've seen the whole thing, I'd like to see what the Coen brothers come up with.

Now. The asshole part. I'm not one of those people who irrationally hate Matt Damon or Ben Affleck. I don't really care about them personally most of the time. I weigh their work based on how much effort I think they put into it and move on. Damon was great in the Bourne movies for an example and who didn't get goose bumps watching Good Will Hunting? But now it just seems like he's progressed into the realm of the complete and total Douchebag.

"I've never even seen the original John Wayne movie" Matt Damon, who plays Glen Campbell's old role of LaBeouf in this new version, told Entertainment Weekly. Unlike the old flick, this LaBeouf reportedly doesn't sing. "Our movie is totally different."

Thanks for the quote Yahoo, btw. Anyway. Pay attention to the bolded statements.

Look dude. If you've seen it, no ones going to laugh at you. First of all. It's fucking great. Second of all. You're a fucking actor, you make movies...it's only natural to watch them. If you haven't seen it....then how the flying fuck do you know it's totally different!?

Jesus tap dancing Christ. Do they just hand these assholes "I'm a fucking retard" cards and let them loose on society. I know. It's petty to pick on Matt Damon for what might possibly be a slip up, right? No. Fuck you. These assclowns have handlers who handle their handlers and everything they fucking say is laid out for them....and still they can't even keep their story straight in one fucking interview.

If you're an actor and you're going to give an interview...it behooves you to just be fucking honest. People respond to honesty, even when it's being delivered by some overly oppinionated assclown with a lame ass blog.

What?

Conjecture for the masses

2010-08-18T11:15:00.000-06:00

Like most MMO fans, I’ve been geeking out for two years now about the new Star Wars: The Old Republic MMO. Every week of late has been what I lovingly refer to as ‘Nerd-Tastic Friday’. Every update is usually met with a lot of conjecture and supposition based on the little bit of information that’s released. A few weeks ago, the developers released some information that there would be space combat in the game.

This, of course, led to a flood of blogs and posts in various forums drawing conclusions that had never been nailed down. We gamers just love to draw out the future based on our own desires. We’re far from the only ones though; any political analyst can serve as proof of that statement. But there’s a flood of hatred that pours out from media outlets and ‘normal’ people who look down their noses at gamers as if we’re some sort of sub-species. Geekus Ownicus Maximus. Fuck yourselves for taking your point of view far too damned seriously.

The world is full of people hearing what they want to hear.

I vividly remember playing “Telephone” when I was a kid and laughing at what the original message was to what came out on the other side of the line. For those un-initiated in this childs game, here’s the synopsis. The teacher (or leader) says a phrase to the first child. That child in turn passes the phrase onto the next child. This continues down a line of children and finally, the last child then recites the phrase back to the teacher. Simple phrases like ‘Peter picked a peck of pickled peppers’ can turn into ‘Peter stuffed a pickle up his pecker’. You can imagine how that amuses the young and old alike.

It’s the same thing with games (or anything else for that matter). Something is reported and then the community begins to draw conclusions based on their vast knowledge of the industry, or whatever reasoning they give. Even simple rumors spin out of control and developers have no chance to stop the wildfires until the game goes live.

There was a great rumor that spread when Star Trek Online was in development. The rumor was that the graphics and game play engine was a refined version of the one used on Second Life. This rumor led to Star Trek fans taking one of two sides.

Pro – it’ll give the game a more free flowing dynamic…which usually translated into dreams of cybersex starring Vulcans and Klingons.

Con – it would make the game too open and be too much like Eve Online and thus, people were up in arms and swearing off of their vast movie and series collections.

The rumor was proven to be false of course, but not before numerous Developer Blogs squashed it hundreds of times. In fact, it wasn’t until Closed Beta that the rumor mongers shut up long enough to see that the rumor was false.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is that while conjecture is fun, it should in no way begin to affect the industry (or the world) as a whole. Draw your conclusions, write out your wish lists, but don’t drink the fucktards Kool-Aide. Just remember that a rumor is a rumor until the open hand of reality slaps you upside the fucking head.

Yet more racist propaganda for the masses

2010-08-16T08:22:00.000-06:00

I wouldn’t consider myself an avid Howard Stern fan, but I do enjoy his show on Sirius/XM from time to time. This morning I thought I would tune in and see what’s going on.

Frankly, I had to turn the station.

Apparently Dr. Laura said the N word. Who cares? I mean really? But, I sat through Howard and Robin discussing it as if it was another Imus incident. Fine. Whatever. Play the clip. Oh, would you look at that, Dr. Laura doesn’t understand why it’s ok for black people to use the N word…but it’s not ok for white people.

Fucking bravo Dr. Laura. Just when we’ve all written you off to the nut farm, you start making sense.

Absolutely it’s a double fucking standard.

Think about the N word. I’ll be nice and not use it myself even though I think the reasoning is fucktarded at best. It was only ever used to make black people feel like less than human, right? I mean when you ask the Jesse Jackson’s of the world, they tell you that exact thing.

Let’s dodge past my obvious racism argument that the N word is somehow less offensive when a black person says it and move right into other words that are meant to degrade.

Slut. Calling a girl or a guy a slut is a derogatory observation of their sexual habits. Is it not? Did I miss a fucking meeting somewhere? So why isn’t slut, the S word? Or for that matter, WHORE. That’s the same fucking thing. Oh, it’s because it doesn’t relate to a specific race? Really? Hmm….special treatment for a race, sounds suspiciously like racism to me. But let’s move on, shall we?

Lawyer. Now that’s a dirty word if I ever heard one and I know quite a few good lawyers. But the word itself conjures the image of an over-zealous state official going after an innocent person….or the shady motherfucker who’s trying to legalize whaling, right? Well then, let’s call them L words…because it’s more sensitive.

Go fuck yourselves with your pretentious splintered dildos. Assholes.

If a word is racist because one race used it to degrade another, then fine. It’s a racist word. But it’s a racist word for EVERYONE. This double standard bullshit creates more separation than unity. If a word is ‘wrong’ for whatever your fucktarded reasoning…then it’s wrong. Period. End of conversation. And making cute little idioms of the word like “N” or “Nigga” is just splitting hairs. There’s no fucking difference! No matter how cute a story you want to weave around.

Fucking assholes. The lot of you. And fuck you Stern for hating on Dr. Laura for doing the exact SAME fucking thing you’ve been doing for 30+ years. Hypocritical asshole. Fuck yourself.

Religious Retardation and You!

2010-08-06T11:00:00.000-06:00

I hate religions. I really do. Maybe that makes me an asshole, but I'm fine with that.

Faith is fine. Some people need faith in something or someone to give their lives purpose and direction. Where Faith takes a dark turn is when a faithful person enters into a religious gathering an allows their purpose and direction to be twisted by morons.

Pick your poison. Every religion has a fucking retarded step-child that ruins things for everyone.

Muslims are the easiest to pick on these days because we're post 9/11 and the assholes who crashed into the towers were of the Muslim faith. Can't it just be that these dicks were murdering ass clowns? Why does it matter that they were Muslim?

Don't get on your high horse Christians, because there's a 2 millennium long ass rape going on. Pick your time period and you can be reasonably certain that a Christian was trying to 'teach' some backwards dirt worshiper how to pray to a God they either didn't give a shit about, or didn't believe in. The Crusades, hundreds of 'witch hunts', hell....they even had members of their orders hunting down 'Vampires'. Really? Yes. Really. Never mind when they settled North America they either handed out plague infested blankets, bought land from people with no concept of money or ownership, or just killed Indians. I'm sure that was what God would have wanted after all.

What triggered this rant? Well. I just got an email from a friend who is actually a pretty smart guy. There was a laundry list of people who 'mocked God' and died as a result. I've ranted about this email before, so I'll spare you.

I'll leave you with the first example of God striking down someone who 'mocked' him.

John Lennon, in 1966 was giving an interview with the other Beatles to Rolling Stone magazine in which he claimed that the Beatles are now more popular than Jesus and Christians are just backwards thinking people and the religion is doomed to die out (wishful thinking on his part).

In no way did he mock God, or Jesus for that matter. He just claims that his band is more well known and popular than a guy who died almost 2,000 years ago. I'm sure in the grand scheme of things that God and Jesus give a fuck. But, for the sake of the argument, let's assume they took offense.

In 1980, after 14 years of singing about peace and love, Lennon was shot and killed.

Sad.

But wait! The email goes on to say that this is God's justice.

Really?

For making a stupid comparison that has no physical or mental effect on a supreme being....you die. Wow. God must really love us.

But let's look at those 14 years for a moment. Let's assume, for arguments sake that God was 'mocked' by Lennon's observation. It took him 14 years to exact his revenge? Really? He's a supreme being, the one above us all, a Deity....what the fuck took him so long?

Essentially what I'm being told by these people who forward this stupid fucking email to me is this; I'm a retarded lemming who believes everything my religion shoves down my face and I have no rational thought or care about the topic of this email other than looking down my nose at dead people who just happened to have said something derogatory about God.

Fuck you. And Fuck God too for that matter. There. Now in 50 years when I finally kick the bucket, you assholes can put my name in that email and I can stay infamous forever. Fucking assholes.

Feminists can just blow me

2010-06-21T13:18:00.001-06:00

In light of my "first" Fathers Day yesterday, I have come to the conclusion that feminists or anyone who thinks that men have it better than women....can just fucking blow me.

Here's why.

On Mother's Day, flower shops have specials for roses, tulips, carnations...pretty much anything that smells nice. Right there, that's sexist. Because the assumption here is that women like flowers. A broad generalization about broads. It's fine though, because the feminists and 'womens lib' assclowns have signed off on it. That 'tradition' was passed around the Birkenstock wearing committee and was somehow given the green light.

On Mother's Day, restaurants ALL OVER THE FUCKING WORLD have "Mother's Day" specials so that Father's and kids can take Mommy out for a well deserved meal that she doesn't have to cook or clean up after. Again, the thought process behind this move is sexist because it presumes that the Mother is doing all the cooking and cleaning. Again, the short spikey haired feminists kicked this tradition around the committee and passed it.

On Mother's Day, kids are encouraged to either purchase or draw up a card for Mommy telling her how much you love her. Cute idea and it's not as though I think Mother's are unworthy of praise. Hell. I don't even get along with my Mother and I think she deserves a lot of props for raising me...as you can imagine, I wasn't exactly a cake-walk of a kid. This is where we dive into the farce that is;

On Father's Day, there are NO sales...not even at hardware stores. There's no restaurant specials. As a matter of fact, the guitar player at a local eatery who was hired to play songs on Mother's Day was conspicuously absent yesterday. Odd that. I didn't get a cute little card like I gave my wife. I didn't get breakfast served to me like my wife did and I actually ended up doing a tire rotation on her car.

Why? Because as much as we like to think that feminists and liberal groups are making things 'even'. They aren't. It's not an opinion, it's just a fact.

Here's more proof for the nay-sayers. The Government of Canada assumes that women are the primary care givers of their children. If you're one of the growing number of 'stay-at-home Dad's' who wants to claim that you are the primary care giver come tax season...you have to print off a form and have the Mother of your child sign it. That's right. You can't just claim that you're the primary care giver, you have to have your wife's permission to do so. I took this to a feminist acquaintance of mine and she told me;

"Well 50 years ago they didn't ask. Men just claimed the child as a dependant and that was it."

Really? This is what we've come to? Well. If that's what it takes for equality, maybe some white people should sell themselves into slavery to black people. Maybe white people should accept blankets covered in small pox from Indians. Maybe Africans should enslave themselves to East Indians. Maybe Japan should bomb the US.

It's ridiculous.

You don't get equality by turning everything around. That just creates MORE inequality.

How does that even make sense?

It's reactionary, ill-conceived and just plain stupid.

Should there be more equality? Of course. Women and men are essentially the same. We need, we hurt, we laugh, we cry. There are obviously some rather poignant differences, in both mind and body, but at the end of the day I think we can all agree that we want the same thing;

Respect.

This isn't some pie in the sky idealistic stance either, and I don't mean respect as in "you better". There shouldn't be any pre-requisite for a little respect of each other. Women shouldn't assume that all men want is sex and men shouldn't assume that all women want is a cuddle. Is treating each other with a little dignity and grace that hard and foreign a concept that we need feminists, liberals and clergy telling us how to treat each other? Really? Is that where we are after 10,000 years of civilization?

If your answer is no, then perhaps my faith in humanity isn't unjustified.

If your answer is yes, then you make me sick. Get a clue.

Conspiracies all around!

2010-05-27T11:16:00.000-06:00

Recently I shot through the new Jesse Ventura book “American Conspiracies”. I found it an interesting read, though one that requires you walk along on several assumptions based on a biased point of view. Now, we’re all biased to one degree or another and there are certainly mountains of evidence that Mr. Ventura and his ghost writer Dick Russell exposed. All of that evidence is proof positive of many things, however the oddity is that conjecture is tossed in with the evidence and any discernable fact and message is lost in personal point of view. Supporters of Jesse Ventura (I count myself among them) will understand that he’s a very vocal and opinionated man and frankly, we would be highly disappointed if he didn’t add some of his color to the dry facts of the conspiracies he covers in this book.

Odds are quite good that he did this on purpose. He’s not a stupid man and is likely already under observation by most state and federal departments just because he’s a former governor, not to mention a conspiracy theorist and defender of 3rd party politics.

As a bit of a history nut and a conspiracy theorist myself, his final chapter had be thinking about how amusing it is that movie quotes should hold gems of wisdom within them. ‘Pump up the Volume’, a coming of age John Hughes style movie that came out in 1990, had an interesting quote.

Mark (Christian Slater): All the good themes have been used up. They’ve been turned into theme parks…

It was something that stuck with me from that movie. This was possibly because I was only eleven at the time, or possibly because it struck a chord. I’d like to think the latter, though I’m sure there’s an argument for either to be honest. At any rate, the ‘themes’ the character of Mark referred to, from my point of view, are historical precedents. Any assassination of a political giant is likely to be compared to two men; Julius Caesar or John F Kennedy.

It’s actually Julius Caesar that inspired this conspiracy theory to form inside my head. Born into a prominent yet ultimately low family, Caesar rose through the ranks of the military based most chiefly on his innate ability to command. It was well documented and imitated by his adopted son, that he gave brilliant speeches to his men prior to combat to raise their morale and give them focus. It was this skill that he parlayed into his political career and jockeyed into becoming the first king in Rome in centuries.

He methodically set about creating laws and passing legislation that facilitated his dictatorship while quietly holding the reigns of power. He distracted the people with games, charity and allowed wars to carry on that he could easily crush. When the moment came, he set himself up as ‘dictator for life’ and began magnanimously building temples, roads, low income housing, he created the first ‘welfare’ system which gave the poor a loaf of bread a day.

After all this was accomplished, the Roman Empire was established and the Roman Republic began to be a marketing scheme rather than an actual governmental body. Senators fought back by slaying Julius and turning him into a martyr. Ironically, given his failing health, this is probably what Caesar was hoping for. Marcus Antonius briefly took over as dictator, though he’d never been the intended successor. Eventually, after a bloody Roman-Egypt war, Julius’ adopted son Octavian (Augustus) became Caesar, a new honorific that sat with the Roman people better than ‘dictator’, ‘king’ or ‘ruler’. Rome recovered from its economic crisis, old wars were decisively won and the common people experienced a calm and peace that they hadn’t experienced in decades.

Now, with that little history lesson out of the way; look at where we are now.

The economy is still in shambles, created by greed & stupidity. Somehow, the biggest and richest country in the world…suddenly became retarded overnight? Highly unlikely. A country and prides itself on a strict capitalist market…suddenly decided to adopt socialist ideals and give money away? Highly unlikely. A country that’s been making money on every war they’ve been involved in over the last two and a half centuries…suddenly doesn’t know how to make a profit on this one? Highly unlikely.

We’re being setup my friends, setup to believe that after two centuries a financial giant like Wall Street can somehow become fucking retarded overnight and blow it all? Please. The market was re-invented almost a century ago with thousands of built in redundancies to prevent this exact problem we’re supposedly in right now. Jobs are still being cut, almost a trillion dollars has been handed out to ‘boost’ the economy and CEO’s are still getting million dollar bonuses? Really?

Fun fact, if the government had just given every man, woman and child $1 million dollars each…the economy would be saved. Here’s why. No one believes in saving anymore. The national average is that even before the ‘economic meltdown’, 90% of people live paycheck to paycheck. You give someone who makes $25k a year a MILLION dollars…he’s going to run out and buy a house, a nice car, a big screen TV, insurance, services….and tada! The economy is back on track.

Instead, the government gives out a TRILLION dollars to a couple dozen companies and it somehow vanished. Really? Money managers, CFO’s and shareholders suddenly don’t know how to handle money? Please.

Here’s the setup. A ‘savior’ is going to appear when things get worse. No, it’s not Obama. He’s in too deep with the money men at this point. It won’t be Palin either. She just rubs too many people the wrong way. It’ll be some 3rd party hero or something the people can really believe in. He (or She!) will ride in on a tide of support from the people who elect him into office and start kicking ass and taking names. Everyone will love him. Even the ‘media’ can’t find dirt on him. Once everything’s getting better, a threat will appear on the horizon and he’ll come to us and say; ‘Give me absolute power and I’ll fix this problem too! Look at my track record…blah blah’.

We will too. Because we’ll all feel like we can trust him, and we really have no choice at this point because no one wants to go backwards. So he’ll become “President for Life” or something like that, maybe something less inflammatory so the historians don’t freak out. He’ll solve that problem too (probably something he orchestrated in the first place). People will come to love him and folks who figure it out will be rounded up. It’ll be a quiet conquering of our liberties and we’ll all still love him for it because we’ll be better off.

In laymen’s terms…the USA will become Rome 2.

The irony here of course is that Rome never actually ended. It still exists. It’s just marketing. The Roman Empire changed its name to The Holy Roman Catholic Church, and it spread its influence all over the world. It indoctrinated the weak minded, oversaw the appointment of Kings and still to this day exhibits the best of Roman traits; cover-ups. Don’t believe me? Ask an alter boy.

Spreading the Distortion

2010-05-25T09:36:00.000-06:00

Oh Timmy, you bring such joy and humor to my life. Are your shows wrong and offensive? Of course. But that's why we love you Timmy-Boo.

For those who are confused by the gagged tranny picture, and just who the hell is Timmy...well...I would suggest you check out Distorted View Daily. A wonderfully offensive daily podcast and brings a smile to everyone's face who is not the following;

- a feminist
- a bible thumper
- moral
- etc

The website is Distorted View and I invite you all to check it out and take part in the cirque du freak.

Rapist VS Gay Couple

2010-05-18T13:19:00.001-06:00

Thank you BBC news for bringing us news about more than Paris Hilton and her ridiculous dog.

Malawi court convicts gay couple

I'm going to summarize in the interests of getting right into my rant.

A gay male couple were convicted of "Gay Sex", which is apparently against the law in Malawi. A country where recently a serial rapist was convicted of 9 rapes and given a 5 year jail sentence. The gay couple, got 14. Years. In a Malawi jail. For something that's apparently "against the order of nature".

Which in and of itself is amusing since lions, which live in the country of Malawi, regularly rape other male lions to dominate them. Perhaps the wizened law makers of Malawi should take a lesson from nature...and become extinct.

Look at these two guys. Again, thanks to the BBC for the picture.

How dangerous do they look? Honestly? What, may I ask, are those yokels with no teeth yelling at them? Probably something you'd only hear in and Alabama church...or at a soldiers funeral.

People really need to be hit. Really hard. In the head. With a cricket bat. I have a couple sitting around here with some rather sizable dents.

Instead of jailing a couple gay guys, why not instead spend that money on that patchwork metal roof in the background? Just a thought. There are possibly more important things to be concerned about, both in Malawi and in your own backyard, than a same-sex marriage that doesn't have anything to do with you. As much as I've attempted to keep swears out of my blog posts...this just has to be said;

Go fuck yourself Malawi legal system. Go fuck yourself with a rusty pogo stick. Honestly.

This just in. If you have anything negative to say about same-sex unions...you're probably a repressed homosexual. Nothing wrong with it, just seems a tad hypocritical is all.

Modern Warfare 2 VS Bad Company 2...the debate continues

2010-05-12T13:13:00.002-06:00

So with Halo being basically a non-issue in the FPS battleground, the debate rages on as to which MMO shooter people are spending their time (and money) on. With that in mind, I'll toss my hat into the debate yet again.

I'm far from a fanboy, but apparently my point of view is such that people will say I am to negate the points I make. Be that as it may, I love giving my opinion and I really don't give a shit if it gets your panties in a knot. Deal with it.

I was one of those freaks who was eagerly anticipating the release of Modern Warfare 2. While I wasn't in line for the release, I did head out and pick-up my pre-ordered copy after work. I, like many, really enjoy playing online rather than by myself. When people ask why, I often ask them if masturbation is better than sex and just leave the argument there. Some people just prefer the former and who am I to judge. As I was saying, I went out and got my copy and played through the story...which thankfully wasn't long.

Of course, after that it was time to test my skills online. I don't have much in the way of skills for many reasons, though chiefly among them is that I just don't care to be 'the_pwnage' (you get bonus points for knowing that reference). But, I do enjoy playing online and usually end up with a positive kill/death ratio.

At this point, Bad Company 2 had been announced and was being highly anticipated by many who wanted a new first person shooter to play online. BC2 was smart, they allowed vehicles and created large sprawling maps. Where they dropped the ball was variety though. There was essentially 2 maps and 2 styles of game, advancing your abilities by way of levels and usage was painstakingly slow as well.

Activision then came out with downloadable content for MW2 and created a hurricane of controversy. It was one of the most expensive add-ons for a console game since the failed Nintendo Power Glove. Many gamers were outraged that the map pack cost $15 for 3 new maps and 2 maps from Modern Warfare 1. Many, rightly so, feared that this would create a new baseline for downloadable content and all game producers would increase the price of their content.

The MW2 downloadble map pack did 2.5 million units in sales anyway, proving that the demand was such that the price didn't drive them away. Regardless, hardline gamers have stuck to their guns and remained in the minority. Some have moved to BC2, while others are waiting for a half-price weekend to pick-up their MW2 map pack. Either way, the battle for players between the Call of Duty and Battlefield franchises continues.

Call of Duty now has MW: Black Ops. If the YouTube trailer I posted last week is any indication, it looks like Activision and Trey Arch have responded by offering everything BC2 does. Now, the question becomes this; Does Battlefield come out with a new game to compete right off the bat, or do they release a map pack to keep their loyal fans? If BC3 comes out, will it be worth the price tag, or just be a collection of new maps and guns? If they come out with a map pack, will they price themselves at Activision's level, or go lower to really stick it to the monster video game producer?

Time will tell.

But you don't read this blog to see politically correct answers like that, do you?

Of course not.

You read blogs for honest opinions from douchebags like me. If you want PC bullshit, go read your local nationally syndicated rags.

Here's what's going to happen. Keep in mind that I love capitalism. I do think it goes way too far sometimes. There are a plethora of examples of this; big oil and health care insurers just to name a couple. But video games seem to have tried to copy this ridiculous mold. Offering a standard map pack for an inflated price, releasing sequels with ill conceived plots (ahem...Left 4 Dead 2) to 'strike while the irons hot'...the examples are many and varied.

Ok...enough rant. Here's what's going to happen. Battlefield will release a map pack, probably just adding one map. The map pack will include some new guns, a new gameplay mode...or two, and that's about it. They're going to charge the 'standard' $10 for that, except that there's one problem; they didn't really do anything. BC2 producers have already gone on record stating that there was another map, it just had too many bugs to release with the game. They've also teased new guns with their loadout screens and blogs of their staff. So essentially, BC2 had a standard price tag at launch for an unfinished game and now...for another $10, you can have the whole game.

Of course, no one will draw attention to this because of two things.

1 - Gamers hate Activision and Electronic Arts. Always have, always will. Their reasons are sound, both companies have a long history of releasing game series and just updating graphics engines or team rosters...and charging it out as a whole new game rather than just DLC for the new roster. The irony is that both games come from those producers...but I guess they hate Activision just a little bit more.

2 - Battlefield is the 'little franchise that could'. Gamers have flocked to them as a sound competition to the Call of Duty franchise and Battlefield makes far less mistakes than CoD does.

Of course, all these things will be glossed over by the slobbering masses who love to hate big companies and yet always seem to find a reason to part with their cash to support them. For shame haters. For shame.

Call of Duty: Black Ops

2010-05-05T10:44:00.002-06:00

I'm just going to let the video speak for itself....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0n0QKGKQCc

It looks as though the Call of Duty franchise is going to take a page from Bad Company 2 and allow players to drive vehicles now? Hopefully they do it right.

Infamous Montreal "Screw-Job"

2010-05-05T10:43:00.001-06:00

I originally wrote this short article in response to an article Bret Hart wrote for the Calgary Herald a few years ago. It was, of course, rejected. Now, to be fair, I did take Vince's side in the so-called Screw Job, but the underlying message of the article was for the promoters to take better care of their talent. Even so, rejected...and rather rudely too if my memory serves me.
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First things first. The "Montreal Screwjob". I think both men did wrong. Bret shouldn't have expected Vince to let him go out the Champ and Vince should have been a man and a boss and just TOLD Bret that he will drop the title in Montreal. That being said, I have a great quote here that puts my thoughts into a much shorter version.
"Vince McMahon has always had the mentality about treating wrestlers as circus performers. All these wrestlers that have broken their backs for years making this living are left with nothing when it's over. Then they sorta take you out back and put a slug in the back of your head and then dump ya out with the rest of the garbage. That's the life of a professional wrestler."
Bret Hart
I've read Ric Flairs book, Shawn Michaels book, Stone Cold's book, watched Bret Hart's "Wrestling with Shadows", hell, I even read Classy Freddy Blassie's book and I'm more convinced than ever that a sanctioning body needs to implement some basic medical & psychological regulations on wrestling in general, but mostly World Wrestling Entertainment and it's parent company Titan Sports Entertainment. To what end?
It's quite simple. Let's put asside wrestlers off contract and deal with the tragedies of Owen Hart, Eddie Guerrero and now Chris Benoit. All three men had choices to make and all three of them made the wrong choice quite obviously. Had there been a strong policy in place and not some weak random drug test every six months perhaps Eddie would still be alive. If there were safety precautions in place, perhaps Owen wouldn't have fallen to his death. If there was an on-staff psychiatric doctor perhaps Chris Benoit would have had the help he seems to have been willing to give others; a shoulder to cry on when things were getting to be too much to handle.
Perhaps this sanctioning body wouldn't have saved these men's lives. But at least then we could have known that ALL that could be done, was being done. Maybe, just maybe, some stricter policies on "sports entertainment" and "wrastlin" in general would ensure that more of these performers get to see their grand-children.
It's a crazy thought I know, to expect a company to take care of it's employees....but who knows? Maybe, just maybe, some accountability and an ounce of prevention could keep these situations from happening.

Steriods and You

2010-05-05T10:43:00.000-06:00

This is a short article I wrote after a few old time wrestlers started dying off at an alarming rate.
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When I was 6 years old Stampede Wrestling came to Regina. My cousin was a big wrestling fan. He was in Regina too and was really excited about it. So his Dad, mine and the two of us went to the event. It was pretty fun, and this guy and his kid brother were really entertaining. You might know them. Bret and Owen Hart. The Original Hart Foundation.
All the way home I was really excited about this amazing sport. My cousin and I started trying out wrestling moves we'd just seen. At this point my Dad and his decided it was time to sit us down and explain to us that wrestling is fake, it's just a show. After the initial excitement it was kind of like being told that Santa doesn't exist.
I got over it though, started watching WWF on TV and catching Stampede when it was in town. I could see the missed punches and the guys holding each other through holds to avoid injury. My appreciation took a new turn. I could see the fake parts, and I could see where these guys could, and eventually do, get hurt.
Then something new happened. A big muscular guy appeared. His name was the Ultimate Warrior. He looked very impressive and had a ton of energy. I never did see a lot of moves out of him, but wrestling's fake anyway so I really didn't care. But his entrance started a new trend. Really muscular guys.
Now. Around this time I had started lifting weights. I was always a very skinny kid, but with the weight lifting I noticed I wasn't get as picked on as I used to. So I started lifting more and more until one day when I was playing hockey and dislocated my knee. The doctor told me outright that because of my weight lifting my joints had become weak. I was only 15 at the time and human bones and joints aren't fully formed until males are in their early 20's. He told me in no uncertain terms that if I continued to lift weights and play a contact sport I would need a plastic knee. At 15. So. Eventually I was cleared to remove the knee brace I had to wear for three months while my tendons healed.
I had a choice to make. A plastic body part at 15 was just too scary to contemplate, so I focused on athleticism over raw size. I switched to baseball, soccer and 2-hand touch football. Until about three years ago I had to wear a knee brace every few months because I could feel the swelling growing in my knee from use. The doctors told me that it's normal now that I have damaged cartilage to frequently get "water on the knee" until my bones, joints and muscles finally stopped growing.
That whole time I was really into wrestling. I started becoming what some people call a "Smark". A "Smart-Mark" is someone that knows things about the wrestlers outside of their characters, knows about how things are accomplished and how the business works to a degree. Until young wrestlers started dying I enjoyed being a "Smark". When Andre passed no one was really surprised. He was a big guy and his heart gave out. When Jake "The Snake" Roberts became a cocaine abuser, no one seemed to care. When Road Warrior Hawk started abusing prescription drugs he was released from his contract and no one noticed.
I started questioning why these young guys started dying.
The unthinkable happened. Rick Rude died of heart failiar. He was young, in great shape....what the hell? I started asking questions. Reading. When wrestlers were in town I would talk to them. I learnt things about the business that no teenager should learn. Some of these "performers" start their day with their anabolic steroid breakfast, uppers of various kinds and then they hit the gym. 2 hours later they scarf down a dozen eggs, two cups of hash-browns, five pieces of toast and a bagel. Most of the really big guys are usually vibrating at this point.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anabolic_steroid#Side_effects
By this point it's a couple hours until show time, so a lot of wrestlers hit a jogging machine for two hours. Most of them at this point have a quick nap until 6ish when they need to get to the arena for a show. They perform their match, a lot of them get so fed off the crowd that they get high from it and can't come down off that high for hours. Many wrestlers either take double or triple doses of sleeping pills or consume a large amount of alcohol.
So? Who cares right?
Well. Have a look at how many young guys have died before 45 in this business trying to earn the fans love. Surely some of them succeeded?
Some of them die in their sleep, some fall from a wire lowering them to the ring, some can't take all the pressure and snap. What do they earn from us in the end?
Our anger, our confusion, our accusations and a couple parting kind words.
Perhaps the wrestling industry has been left alone where the NFL, NBA, MLB and NHL have not. Maybe the cure should be that the immense fortune being created by professional wrestling be, at least partially, used to look after these athletes? Maybe they should have in-house psychiatrists and nutritionists? Obviously the “drug screening” program already in place in the WWE isn’t enough.
Maybe ONE on staff doctor for 150 some odd signed wrestlers isn’t enough. Maybe they should cut two make-up artists and hire a nutritionist? We all take care of our cars, oil changes, preventative maintenance and whatnot to keep them at their best….perhaps the investment in flesh that the WWE has would be better served with a little preventative maintenance of their own?
I certainly don’t have all the answers, but if the marketing behind pro wrestling bills them as SPORTS ENTERTAINERS they should be either taken care of as athletes OR entertainers, not as commodities as dispensable as the bloody ring aprons they leave behind.

You are wrong, sir.

2010-05-05T10:42:00.000-06:00

So you've just met a girl, she's great. She cooks well, she understands your odd hobbies, she's a freak in the sack. Everything is roses...at the moment. Women treat men like projects to be completed. His mother did an ok job, but she was finish the work now. Your hobbies are streamlined into 'our hobbies'. This can take many forms. The most brilliant approach is this;
"Honey, can I watch the UFC pay per view with you and the guys?"
Your first thought might be; "Sweet. I've got a hobby and she's totally going to get why I like it."
Wrong.
What was once guys shouting at the TV and eating large amounts of wings has now degenerated into an education segment. First, she's going to comment on the ring girls implants. Here's a shocking revelation ladies: Guys don't care if they're fake. Oh sure, there's some that want them even bigger...but if your guy tells you that he likes your A-Cups, he wants oral satisfaction. Ok? Any guy with a girl sporting less than a C, will invariably have the 'implant conversation' in which he feels out if you're willing to get them upsized.
Anyway, back to the pay per view. Now, you're going to have to explain why they don't just rush into each other a blur of feet and fists. You're going to have to explain strategy and techniques and you might even not know all the jargon...which will be great amusement for your buddies. After three hours of this, your buddies will leave as quickly as possible and never return for another pay per view. Why? Because men pounding each others faces in...is male bonding time.
It's the same thing as guys getting into a fist fight. We hit each other a few times and then laugh about it over a beer. Women don't understand this, never will. Here's why, it's a genetic thing so don't get all 'sexist' on me here. Women are genetically prone to hold a grudge. If you don't believe me, then riddle me this; Why do the lionesses do the hunting and the lions protect the pride? Because women have far better memories than men do, they also facilitate that memory by assigning an emotion to it. I don't say this to be cruel, it's just a fact. That's why Jonny not becoming a doctor is such a big deal, the birthing process was so painful that mothers want it to be worth it. How becoming a doctor is worth it is beyond me, especially based on current malpractice lawsuit statistics.
Now, as I was saying. The clever training technique. From now on, if you want to see a UFC PPV...you're going to have to go out. If your friends have wives and girlfriends, then you're going to have to find a safe place to watch the fights. Which obviously leads you to the nearest pub, bar or Hooters. The waitresses there typically dress like the ring girls do, so you're going to eventually hear the "don't you think I'm sexy?" trap. I call it a trap because no matter how you answer, you're wrong.
Watch and learn.
Guy: "Of course I think you're sexy."
Girl: "Then why do you go to Hooters to watch the fights, is it because of the slutty waitresses?" (this is especially ironic if, like a friend of mine, you met her at a Hooters while she was waitressing)
Guy: "Of course not, it's just that they have the fights and it's free if you order wings and drink."
Girl: "Why don't you have the guys over here?"
Of course you know perfectly well why...but you lie.
Guy: "I don't want them to make a mess here." (well played sir)
No matter what happens next...you're screwed. She either talks you into having the PPV at home and no one shows, or you end up at Hooters and she's gone to her parents house.
Now, her other perks. She can cook. Which is great, and if you get the Food Network...she'll only get better. But guess who her sous-chef is? You. Even if you like cooking, eventually this 'together time' will turn into Hitler-Lady here bossing you around the kitchen for an hour.
The last perk. Sex. Two things will happen here. Either she'll calm down a little and the sessions will spread out (this is the good news by the way), or the freak will expand her horizons...just like my other friends wife. Everything was great at the start, then marriage was discussed and oral stimulation was promised, then a baby was discussed and before you know it...you're getting ash trays tossed at your head because you and your buddies are being childish. Simple errors in judgement turn into ready-made excuses for her infidelity. Why? Because they're emotional...oh, and you married a freak in the sack. Well done sir. Lesson learned.
What's the point of this dreary presentation of the fairer sex, and relationships in general?
Have your OWN space. Each person needs to have their own 'me' time and space. If that takes form in beers, wings and gorilla's pounding each other into coma's, then so be it. Count your blessings that prostitute evaluation isn't his hobby and get a clue. Hopefully you're looking at 50+ years of being married and if all that time is spent attached at the hip, one of you isn't going to be very un-fulfilled in life.
Relationships, whether they be leading to marriage or just living together, between a man and a woman or in same-sex couples, require a LOT of give and take. They aren't set in stone, cast out of iron or even remotely simple. They take time, effort and compromise. Men aren't trainable and women who are freaks in bed are likely not just in your bed. Fighting against it is like skating uphill, it's pointless and it just leads to broken hearts, bruised egos and distrust.
Keep in mind, this article is written from a male perspective and is...of course...wrong.

Forza 3

2010-03-05T10:43:00.000-06:00

Despite this game being out for some months now, I'm all about playing this game for hours a week. I will quite literally load up my latest racing series, queue up my personal in-game sound track and race. The downloadable content (DLC) is such that it creates an almost never ending game. I have yet to even enter into the online gaming arena, though I have been told that it adds another whole new dimension to the game and I, frankly, can't wait.
There is, of course, one flaw; achievements. It's a flaw more and more prevailant in todays games. It's like the window-licking half-wits need to be patted on the head for every minute pedantic goal. For example, I bought a car at the start of the game and within 4 races, Ford gave me a Focus RS. Really? I know it's Ford and all, but 4 races somehow cement me as a valuable marketing goat? After completing the 2nd week of the C class racing season, I was awarded a Lotus Exige...which I then used to dominate the next 5 weeks of racing. I didn't even have to upgrade it. Eventually I tossed on larger, lighter rims and new tires and started lapping my opponents.I might chalk up those victories to the easy skill level, but I long ago adjusted my difficulty to total realism...but left the racing line in until I learn the tracks. Be that as it may, and this small complaint, the game is absolutely brilliant. It has excellent graphics and a nearly flawless physics engine along with far too many cars to possibly drive...though saying that, I know there will be those who will be achievement junkies and get every one of them and be rewarded with the 'you have no life' achievement.
So for those who want a racing game that's addicting, fun and challenging...definately ditch that tired old racing franchise and give Forza 3 a chance to suck away all your spare time.